SATIRE

By Connor Juracek, Staff Writer  

SATIRE  

The pop-star Pink recently posted to Instagram following the Ed Sheeran and Macklemore drama to share how the situation affected her, because everyone was just dying to know. Her post begs the age-old question: how does Pink feel about all this?  

The situation did not involve her, but now it does. Pink decided that the best way to communicate how the situation impacted her was to post a golden hour selfie with a four paragraph caption. Several parts of her tirade are reminiscent of artificial and robotic writing styles.  

Pink delivered a bold, daring statement dripping with unfiltered, adrenaline-spiking courage. It was a both-sides perspective. She calls for a humane future for Palestinians and safety for Israel. Once Israel is safe from retaliation, then we can figure out why schools and hospitals in Gaza keep disappearing.   

Yet again, nobody has eyes when it comes to naming a perpetrator. Although, in this post, Pink is looking directly into the sun, so we cannot blame her for not being able to see something right in front of her. Or perhaps she is watching the Israeli military atomize the last university in Gaza.  

Speaking of Gaza, Pink wants to be the first person to let you know that Hamas is bad. She also thinks that death is bad. We should all applaud Pink for being so bold in a time where no one wants to say these things out loud.  

Regardless of what one may think of Pink, she is speaking as a credible advocate. She spent decades fighting for LGBTQ+ rights, which Zionists love to point to Israel’s record on when defending their emotional-support ethnostate.   

Many Zionists will say that Israel is the only country in the Middle East with safe spaces for LGBTQ+ individuals. This is actually not wrong, these safe spaces exist only in Israel because Israel flattened all of the safe spaces in Palestine.   

As Pink is definitely not aware, same-sex couples cannot marry in Israel. It is ideal that she does not know this. If Pink finds out, she will be forced to ignore yet another aspect of Israel’s hierarchical society, and that simply will not do.  

Who Pink does not ignore, however, is Macklemore. Yet again, the guy calling for peace everywhere in the world is the bad guy.   

She suggested that Macklemore exposed his Jewish fans to “propaganda,” because they were completely unaware that Macklemore had stances before his controversial concert. They were all Sheeran fans before listening to Macklemore, so the concept of an artist with convictions was something unfamiliar to them.   

But still, we must remember how Pink feels about all of this. She deserves to be listened to, because at the end of the day, her feelings matter too, more than anything else going on in the world.  

This also begs the question of why she decided to make her post. Is she auditioning to open for the rest of Sheeran’s tour? Yes, she is.   

Pink and Sheeran have announced a new set of tour dates for their favorite country on Earth, Israel. The iconic duo is set to perform in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and the occupied West Bank later this month.   

“From the river to the sea, Israel will be free from all criticism until it is safe to do so,”  the pair, itching to eradicate every Instagram comment in sight said.