Aries – Curl up with Hillary Clinton’s book, a can of Orange Crush and a box of Kleenex.
Taurus – Game of Thrones has given you a new appreciation of your aunt.
Gemini – Watch out! That last can of Nati will land you in Police Notes.
Cancer – Good chance you’ll win Split the Pot at the women’s volleyball game (but the pot will land you in Police Notes
Leo – You’ll be the first to go to the new health center and forget your insurance card.
Virgo – You’ll be denied service at Subway when you say, “You got the meats?”
Libra – Congratulations! You win an all-expenses-paid vacation to Barbuda.
Scorpio – You just can’t Despacito out of your head, can you?
Sagittarius – Go ahead…. you can cross against the light!
Capricorn – Better start standing in line now if you want Villanova tickets.
Aquarius – Imagine Andy Dalton as a blonde and Taylor Swift loving her exes.
Pisces – You will find Father Graham’s lost ALL card and be exempted from all finals.