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Horoscopes

Aries – Curl up with Hillary Clinton’s book, a can of Orange Crush and a box of Kleenex.

Taurus – Game of Thrones has given you a new appreciation of your aunt.

Gemini – Watch out!  That last can of Nati will land you in Police Notes.

Cancer – Good chance you’ll win Split the Pot at the women’s volleyball game (but the pot will land you in Police Notes

Leo – You’ll be the first to go to the new health center and forget your insurance card.

Virgo – You’ll be denied service at Subway when you say, “You got the meats?”

Libra – Congratulations! You win an all-expenses-paid vacation to Barbuda.

Scorpio – You just can’t Despacito out of your head, can you?

Sagittarius – Go ahead…. you can cross against the light!

Capricorn – Better start standing in line now if you want Villanova tickets.

Aquarius – Imagine Andy Dalton as a blonde and Taylor Swift loving her exes.

Pisces – You will find Father Graham’s lost ALL card and be exempted from all finals.