How to survive Thanksgiving dinner

1. Purchase pants with a stretchy elastic waistband for optimal eating. You will be able to eat as many helpings as you want without worrying about your inevitable food baby.

2. Make up a fake name for a significant other to tell your family about so they won’t ask how your love life is. Bonus points if you tell them that your significant other is studying to be a doctor or a lawyer!

3. Wear earplugs so you won’t hear any racist or sexist remarks. However, to make sure they know that racism and sexism isn’t cool, share lots of videos about those issues on Facebook after dinner.

4. Never leave the kitchen so that you can be the first in line to get your plate of a heavenly dinner.

5. When everyone goes around the table and says what blessings they’re thankful for, if you can’t come up with any, just say the food. It is a safe option, but also pays compliments to the chefs. You could also say Xavier basketball because Muskie pride, am I right?

6. If a relative starts to irritate you, just slap them across the face and say “Happy Slapsgiving!” After all, everyone loves a good How I Met Your Mother reference.

7. Buy a soft blanket and make a beautiful classical playlist to soothe you into a phenomenal post-dinner nap.

8. Make up a bunch of fake majors and descriptions for when eager relatives want to know what you’re doing after college. A good one is professional data tech analyzer for statistical advertising. This may be a thing or it may not be and your relatives won’t know for sure either!

9. If you are not going home for Thanksgiving, visit a diner because they’re cute and breakfast food will make you instantly happy. Maybe stay up late until November 24 so you can watch your first Christmas movie of the officially no longer Thanksgiving season.

10. Tell your family you love them every 15 minutes for no reason other than you’ve missed them and can’t wait to be home next month.