Features: “What Hocus Pocus taught me about cherishing moments” & Horoscopes – 11/7/2018

Illustration by Annie DeGrood

As we say goodbye to the Halloween month, this season reminds me of a story that my grandfather told me. The story goes as told.

An ancient tale is accounted of a storied king who gathered the wise men of his kingdom and bestowed upon them the task of compiling all of the wisdom of the ages for him. Once months of diligent searching had passed, the wise men returned to him with their insights bound together into twelve large volumes.

The king praised the wise men for their consistent work, but he insisted to them that the twelve large volumes were too extensive.  Thus, the wise men returned back to their work, this time in hopes of condensing their findings.  Countless weeks afterwards, the wise men went again to the king, however this time with only one volume.  And once more they were commended by their king, but were told to condense the information in an even more concise manner.

Compacting the wisdom of all the ages into less than one volume presented an incredibly challenging problem for the wise men. Not very excited, the intellectuals of the time regressed to their immediate responsibilities and died. As time progressed, the newer wise men that learned from their predecessors presented their findings, which equated in the results of years of research, to their king. The wise men then placed in the palm of the king a petite slither of parchment. The king, excited about their achievement and adherence to his instructions, exclaimed, “Yes! My wise men have condensed all the wisdom of the ages into one sentence.” He then gathered the rest of his court around, stood in front of his throne and read the piece of parchment, which said: “There ain’t no free lunch!”

Understanding that there is no free lunch, opportunity or moment that does not come at a cost, either beneficial or detrimental, is a critical lesson that we should learn to appreciate more. One instance that has always resonated with me heavily is one of the main messages communicated through one of the best Halloween movies ever… Hocus Pocus! When one of the protagonists, Thackery Binx, loses his sister to the witches of Salem’s powers, he states something to another protagonist, Max, regarding Max’s little sister, Dani, that echoes until this day to me. Thackery Binx says, “Take good care of Dani, Max, you’ll never know how precious she is until you lose her.” However, not only should we take the opportunities and circumstances for granted, but we should not assume that there is a great latitude in the relationships with have with each other throughout the moments we experience with each other.

By: Joshua House | Guest Writer


Aries: It’s not too late to “pre-pack” a suitcase for Thanksgiving. Even if you’re not going home for the holiday, you’ll really want to step out of the Xavier bubble.

Taurus: You might have that moment of disgust where you watch someone walk into the bathroom, flush, walk out and not wash their hands. Vent your heart out about this.

Gemini: The stars have determined that the most effective way to find your soulmate is to dress up as your favorite meme. Who cares whether or not it’s Halloween? It’s like always Halloween.

Cancer: Your health game is so strong this week, you could eat ramen for every single meal of every day and not get stomach cancer (please don’t actually test this).

Leo: You’ve got so many ideas this week, you’re gonna look at them all like that one girl from the Vine who goes, “Look at all those chickens!”

Virgo: If you haven’t already drowned the floor of your bedroom in wrinkled clothes and extra blankets, what are you waiting for?

Libra: It seems like your groupmes and groupchats and group-thingies are multiplying this week. There’s a lot of tea to spill, but be careful about spilling too much of yours.

Scorpio: You’re an absolute pro at nabbing free food from a bunch of club events this week. Expect people to pay blood money to learn where you keep getting it.

Sagittarius: Keep cool this week. Do that, and you could walk into an interview for a company you know nothing about, completely make something up, and absolutely nail it.

Capricorn: No friend, it is not too late to be spooky. Bring out the Ouija boards. How else are you going to ask the otherworldly spirits to restore your dining dollars and fix your GPA?

Aquarius: Don’t people who don’t look immediately useful to you. That one gal who skips class all the time might be the very first person to turn in her exam, and you’ll never know her secrets.

Pisces: People are finally starting to figure out that it was you who accidentally wrote on the white board in permanent marker. Congrats!

By: Soondos Mulla-Ossman | Features Editor