Features

Features: “Turkey Emoji Review,” “Canto IV Rivulets of Joy: Sestina to Dancing,” and Horoscopes – 11/14/18

Emoji courtesy of Apple


Turkey Emoji Review

Apple – 9/10

Apple never fails to deliver with their emoji. Detailed, vibrant and appropriately thiccc, this turkey brings class and style to the dinner table.

Google – 4/10

This turkey looks like it went to war and was never the same again.

Microsoft – 0/10

Okay Microsoft, we need to sit down and have a chat, because you clearly have no idea what you’re doing.

Samsung – 1/10

B̳̫̦͇͡ig͖ ͈͚̺̪̭̱͍͢B̝̩̯̯͍͢ṛ̙͓̼̀oț̟͘ḫ̸͖e̹̪̻ṛ̖̭ͅ ̲̹i͟s w̡a̦̞͕̟̦t̖̫̱̩͈c̞̹̥̝̪̦͔h̢̖͓̘i͏͖̮̻n̨̪̱g̷̣̬̼̰̬̗ ̞̪̱y̶͉̖̣̞̹o̠̦͍̬̗̭̮͘u̵̫̮͕͙.̘͔̩̘̀

WhatsApp – 2/10

Have any of you ever seen a turkey with a blue head? I almost didn’t, considering this emoji is so tiny that I can barely see it.

Twitter – 1/10

“Look Mommy, I made a turkey in class today!” “That’s great sweetie, now put it in the trash where it belongs.”

Facebook – 9/10

Facebook turned a lewk this time around. I’d invite this turkey to dinner.

EmojiOne – 8/10

I’m not gonna lie, despite the weird blue head thing, I actually really enjoy this one. Some strong stylistic choices make this one stand out.

EmojiDex – 5/10

It could be worse.

LG – 2/10

There was an attempt made.


By: Trever McKenzie | Online Editor


Canto IV Rivulets of Joy: Sestina to Dancing

Cascades of rhythms dance  
In the thralls of sound, where a lucent rainbow
Emerges from the dark, unfurling in primeval cadences
Of voiceless, lifted spirits.
In the arches of the mind a motion
Of thunder and kaleidoscopes resounds, where rivulets
Of silhouetted figures pour, where rivulets, 
Like arabesques of ecstasy, or maelstroms’ dancing
Footsteps, whirl in the paths of color, erupting in blossoms of motion.
A poetry of human movement blooms in the rainbows
Beneath the shuddering lights, illumining the complexity of spirits,
And the carnival of souls, so that every lucent cadence
Belongs to an efflorescent joie de vivre, a cadence  
Of painting and motif, leaping, glimmering in the rivulets
Of laughter and anguish, where meaning unfurls in these spirits’
Pirouettes, iridescent and enchanted; a meaning that dances
In the countenance of the rainbow,
The quiet of sunlit rains, the swell of heartbeats, the starlit motion
Betrothed to dreams: and it was so, their dancing was the motion 
Of dreaming. Each dancer softens the leap of consciousness in the cadent
Harmonies of their footsteps, steady fixities, thudding rhythms where rainbow
Hues sang out, from the lapis of the soul, in a darkened rivulet
Of starry consonance, where droplets of the timeless dance
To the rhythms of the spirit.
Are we not the spirits, longing to know the depths of ourselves? 
How sonorous we sound! We watch the brilliant bodies rise in one human motion,
Painting the profundity of experience in an aquarelle of dance!
How the beats of ardor and anguish, of art and joy ripple in the cadenzas
Of breath, entranced in half-awakening, like rivulets
Of water caught in sunlight, purling in the rainbow’s well-spring!
How glorious is the passageway of souls, pouring in the rainbow’s 
Limpid flutter, dappling all creation with the flush of lilting spirits!
They belong to us. It is the dance that reveals the universe’s motions,
Scintillating the timeless in the light-stepping paths of cadent
Songs, where the heartbeat follows eternal rivulets,
And the soul flowers in the radiance of her own dancing.
There the rainbow glimmers; there, echoing beneath the stream of light are the dream-sodden spirits. 
In their secret motions are the rivulets of joy, and the soul’s cadence is the renaissance of joy and life.
There, it dances! In the wake of its wisdom, it dances, to its lovely rhythms and its gentle sighs.

By: Sofie Simonet | Staff Writer


Horoscopes

Aries: Dropping all of your responsibilities and obligations in order to cry and sleep forever might sound awfully tempting right now, but endure long enough to let things calm down.

Taurus: You’re that one kid who’s thinking about Amazon Echo just so you can quote the meme, “Omg this is so sad Alexa play Despacito.”

Gemini: Just like how when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade, if someone hands you a bath bomb, you’d better be getting a bath ready within 24 hours.

Cancer: Watch out for people calling you crazy. Why? Because you are committing the sin of actually enjoying the classes you’re taking right now.

Leo: If there’s a crazy mess that appears in your home overnight, and you happen to own two dogs, be sure to interrogate one at a time before accusing any of causing it.

Virgo: You are not ready for this cold and ice and whatever. Maybe if you scream at the snow loudly enough, it’ll go away?

Libra: Careful about transforming into a workaholic leading up to Thanksgiving. Your Tamagotchi will die, and it will be your fault.

Scorpio: You’ll either suddenly feel super motivated to get all those massive final projects due, or you’ll be doing them out of sheer panic—because they’re due kind of soon.

Sagittarius: Give those around you — whoever has the pleasure of hearing you snore at night — some space. Unless there’s a dirty bowl of ramen that hasn’t been washed in months.

Capricorn: Got a B+ but really want that sweet A? Flipping a table won’t get you there, unfortunately. Flex your diplomacy by asking for extra credit opportunities.

Aquarius: The weather’s getting colder, but you can counteract that by spicing things up in your habits—try a new craft or sport (just don’t make it too meme-y or people will hate you).

Pisces: It’sgetting that time to start freaking out about finals and whatnot, so keep thatnervous energy in check by making a sporadic trip to the exercise place that’snot the HUB.


This post was assembled by Features Editor Soondos Mulla-Ossman.