Ever since Hollywood decided to delete itself, I’ve had a hard time finding something to write about. With no new movies coming out for the foreseeable future, I started to wonder if I’d ever write another review again. As much as I’d love to watch the fourth anniversary Blu-ray release of Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials for a seventh consecutive time, I can’t just sit idly by and disappear into obscurity. So, as a desperate form of protest (and to meet my deadline), I’ve decided to review the only thing I’ve seen for the past two weeks: my family.

From a technical standpoint, The Thomson Household is a mess. By far the worst part about it is the sound design. The film opens with a loud, annoying alarm coming from the daughter character’s room. As an audience member, this is very irritating, especially because her brother doesn’t even have class this early and she sleeps through it anyway. 

The cinematography was pretty bad for the first hour of the film. Everything was out of focus and blurry. However, once the son found his glasses I noticed a huge improvement. And while the soundtrack has its moments, the mother’s insistence on playing the Zac Brown Band while she works has no thematic significance, and she’s just doing it to be annoying because she knows how much her son hates country music.

However, the film’s writing is quite interesting. There are lots of fun little character moments sprinkled into the narrative, such as the father trying to get the cat to stop chewing on the plastic wrapper she found. The phrase “Shut the hell up, I’m on Zoom!” is just one of the many quotes from the script, and it’s sure to become an instant classic. Every character is fleshed out and well written, though the only character whose motivations make any sense is the son, Ben. 

If I had one criticism of the story, however, it’s the insistence of shoving politics into every interaction. There’s one scene devoted entirely to the parents watching Fox News and arguing with their children about their garbage opinions. It’s a very dialogue heavy film, and sometimes I wish the characters would shut up and let me have some peace and quiet for once. Other than that, it’s pretty solid. In the end, this isn’t a film I’ll be revisiting anytime soon. This is the kind of film that some people will make you feel bad for not watching, which is unfair. Like, I watch it on holidays and over break, but I’m in college now and I need to be able to live on my own, Mom. But you’re going to want to keep this around, especially when you’re broke and need money for textbooks. The Thomson Family has its moments, but spending too much uninterrupted time with it can take a toll on you as a viewer. Give it a watch if you’re interested, otherwise get away from the window, this is private property.