By Judy Hopps, Newswire House Corryasspondent
Disclaimer: The following article is satire, as it was apart of an April Fool’s edition.
From March 25—28, Xavier’s sophomore Philosophy, Politics and Economics (PPE) students stormed the Capitol, meeting congressional staff to discuss the policies they have researched throughout the spring semester. To no surprise, they caught many glances of our federal elected officials. However, none caught their eyes like George Santos.
Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-Ga.) may have been a close second considering his status as Congress’ hottest daddy, but the multi-talented, Jew-ish Broadway producer and Hannah Montana actor stole the show with an impromptu drag show on the steps of the Capitol building.
“What an incredible privilege it was to bear witness to the volleyball star and Olympic gold medalist pull such a slay on the Capitol steps. Nothing makes me feel more patriotic than seeing queen Antifa Hathaway death drop to the national anthem. This is why I chose PPE. There’s a third ‘P’ they don’t tell you about — it’s pride, baby,” sophomore PPE student Kitara Ravache reminisced.
Antifa Hathaway, Santos’ new drag persona, burst out the Capitol building doors during Ravache and her classmates’ group photo. Santos was outfitted in an elaborate dress with a lengthy train composed of his 26-page resume, printed versions of the 385 anti-LGBT+ bills that have been introduced across the U.S. since the beginning of 2023 and an 104-page frequency table of every anti-LGBT+ slur or dogwhistle Republican elected officials have used in the past 30 days, all sewn together page by page.
With ongoing debates regarding the role of drag in our society around the country, this event sparked controversy among the Xavier community. University officials grappled with the question of whether or not such a show was appropriate for Xavier students.
“I thought it was a great performance,” Libby Rull, chaperone on the trip, told press. “Although, maybe the peekaboo slit in the dress was a bit too high. With such a dynamic performance, I ended up seeing a bit more than I wanted to see of my congressman, but you have to admit he has fantastic legs. And hey — maybe that’s just what students need to feel connected to the democratic process.”
However, others did not share this sentiment. Members of the Xavier community have taken particular offense to PPE faculty’s response to the spur-of-the-moment performance, handing students stacks of dollar bills to tip the queen.
Responding to the criticism, university administration upheld their support for their students engaging and encountering ideas, views and perspectives that not only make students think, but make them uncomfortable.
“It gives me confidence in the Xavier education system to hear that students are having these kinds of experiences,” Xavier administrator Judy Toures said. “In light of this experience, the administration has found that this kind of exposure could really improve the Xavier experience.”
Toures continued, emphasizing the need for more student-to-drag queen interaction. She announced a campaign to hire a “Queen in Residence,” which will be decided in a RuPaul-style reality TV show competition, where the winner will be awarded the position.
A scandalous post picturing the university’s favorite mascot dressed in fishnet stockings, ruby red lipstick and rainbow eyeshadow, has students speculating on the Blue Blob’s participation in the program.
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