By Kayla Ross, Back Page Editor
These freshmen don’t deserve to be called first years. God, I hope this first year is also their last. Where do kids get the audacity these days? Have you been personally victimized by a freshman yet? Just yesterday, I was in the Caf. I was patiently waiting on my chicken quesadilla with just pico and rice on the side. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a freshman doing a full body scan on me. He then proceeds to say to his buddy of two days standing next to him, “Damn bro. I need to go back home. The girls here ain’t sh!!. I need my home hoes back.” Did he think I couldn’t see him or hear him because I was a foot taller than him and his buddy? Did he think he was attractive enough to be saying all that? He clearly had a DIY bleach blonde job. His mommy probably did it with peroxide for him. In addition to that, here are some of the questions anonymous Manresa Orientation team leaders received from their freshmen:
- What’s the policy on weapons?
- Are there covers at bars?
- Are you in touch with Jesus?
- Is public intoxication frowned upon here?
- How often do people hook up in Cintas?
- Are any of your professors MILFs?
Yes, yes, the lust, yearning to party, stupidity and naivety of freshmen is to be expected. But what absolutely must be addressed is the thirst going on in the Xavier class of 2027 Snapchat story. These boys are thirsty like they walked from campus to Mexico. These boys are thirsty like they were participants in the alleged Russian Sleep experiment. These boys are thirsty like they were salted and hung up to dry in a Spanish ham shop. Bring shame back! Bring bullying back! Bring hazing back! Do something. Take down XU of 2027. I was subjected to seeing what dorm is already the loudest in the spooky hours. I was subjected to seeing a freshman put his phone number on this story because he really just… needed a cuddle. Really bad. Xavier faculty, if you’re reading this, I am sorry to lower your high hopes for this new class. It’s not good. Please get more applicants so we can lower the acceptance rate. Also, there should definitely be some kind of behavioral and respect screening before students are admitted to Xavier because I am a little disgusted. Manresa leaders and staff, thank you for your service and your commitment to these people. I am praying for the state of your PTSD.