By Briana Dunn, Staff Writer

I don’t know about you, but I currently have beef with the sun. Yes, that big, stupid shining thing in the sky that has made the last week way too freaking hot. I mean, over 90 degrees?! EVERYDAY?!?! And as if that is not enough, it feels like 100+ outside! What a way to kick off the academic year!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for warm weather and laying on the pavement like a lizard just to absorb the heat, but it is a little TOO warm. If I were to lay on the pavement in this weather, I’d melt into a puddle. Seriously. Last week, I was sitting on the yard in the shade, and I STILL got a sunburn. Could that be from my lack of sunscreen? Maybe, but if you haven’t realized yet, I will be blaming the sun.

It’s not even the heat that’s the problem. The humidity though – that’s a different story. The air should not be thicker than a Super Shaggy  Sandwich. Also, why is it spicy when you’re breathing? That’s not normal.

I miss the good old days when you could walk outside and not melt like ice cream. What happened to those 75- and 80-degree days? Oh, to sit on an adirondack chair on the yard as you’re narrowly missed by a football. Those were the days. Now I just feel like a water bottle covered in condensation.

While you’re here, can someone explain to me why the shade on campus is at least 10 degrees cooler than unshaded areas? I understand that it will be inherently cooler, but it’s significantly more comfortable and cooler. It doesn’t make sense. If you can explain this, please contact Newswire while I recover from the weather in my room’s air conditioning.

To my point, I’m not saying we jump right into winter or the low 50-degree weather of early November, but a nice 70-degree day with a light breeze would be greatly appreciated. Back to the originally scheduled programming, this week’s weather looks like an average high of 82 degrees. I know, I know – but please hold your applause. Over Labor Day weekend, the weather forecast goes back up to the high 80s and low 90s weather we survived last week. So please, go buy some sunscreen, a hat and maybe a fan for your room. Be safe out there, and don’t forget to drink water.

To Ohio, Cincinnati and the Sun, please bring a cooler day in the future. Or plant more trees around campus. I’m begging you.