By Spencer de Tenley, Multimedia Managing Editor

A new spring semester has begun, and as a result everyone returning to campus either feels refreshed and ready or dreadful and tired. This year, the big trend of resolutions is the “Ins and Outs of 2024.” What’s in for 2024? Me, b*tches. What’s out for 2024? America. These are my Ins and Outs of 2024 after returning to the lovely land of the Big Gulp from South Korea. 

Ins: 

Target. There is nothing like walking through Target without a care in the world and walking out with a cart full of random things that cost me $233.08. My first stroll through Target reminded me that America isn’t the worst, I guess. 

Canes. Look, I love some Korean cuisine, but I need me a slimy box combo, no slaw, Extra toast and extra canes sauce. Like I’ve regrown my canes virginity at this point and am craving an intimate, sloppy Canes moment. 

K-Pop. End the crunchathon! I already have the pain of watching everyone’s spotify wrapped be filled with depressing, crunchy and monotonous music. Nothing can light up a party like some New Jeans on the aux, and I need to see it. Trust me, start with some microdosing and soon enough you can name every NCT member. 

Fruit. First of all, I need to eat healthier. Second of all, Americans are not grateful enough for fruit. In South Korea, fruit is treated as a delicacy and is extremely expensive. 

Gigi Hadid’s Spicy Vodka Pasta. Hot take, but she never left us. She should have never gone “out” in 2021. This dish absolutely never fails. When mother served across the cuntlaware river,  Gag Werkshington was speechless.

Outs: 

GPA. Like tbh why isn’t college just pass/fail. Besides the occasional academic validation, the only positive vibes I’ve received from my GPA is when it stands for Go Piss Girl but spelled wrong. 

Country music. NO

Cars. America has failed us. Our public transit systems are not sufficient in any way. Walkable communities have been proven over and over again to lead to happier lives and improved public health.