Aries: Go to your 8:30 a.m. class. I know it’s hard, but you signed up for this. You need to pass

Taurus: You don’t need more clothes. You need things like gas and groceries.

Gemini: If you need a Plan B, there are some for cheap on the XU 2026 Snap Story right now.

Cancer: Go to the HOLA Gala this weekend. Tickets are only $15 on EngageXU.

Leo: Breakfast is the best meal of the day at the Caf. While you’re on the way to your 8:30 a.m. class, get some fake eggs.

Virgo: You’re not going to throw up. Drink some bubble water, close your eyes and be on your way.

Scorpio: If you can’t stand some- one in one of your classes, I think you should just tell them. You’re paying to be there, so why not cre- ate a little drama to stay awake?

Sagittarius: Stop sniffling in class. Get it together with some Tylenol Cold and Flu AM or skip the class.

Capricorn: I am adoring the Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift memes. You should be those two for Halloween with your delusionship!

Aquarius: Boygenius is releasing an EP Oct. 13. This is not a drill.

Pisces: Why did we ever let the energy of 2016 die? All I want is for music like “We Don’t Talk Anymore” to be on the charts again.