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SATIRE
By Rory McNelley, Education & Enrichment Coordinator
Over Labor Day weekend, many individuals pointed out the 47th president’s lack of public appearance, which led to heavy speculation over his possible death. Those liver spots? That possible body double? Those swollen ankles? Americans smelled something fishy in the water, which led to many political figures across America to share their condolences over social media.
A picture of DJT and his body double, these spot the difference games are getting harder and harder.
- Gavin Newsom
“IT SEEMS DONALD (TACO) TRUMP (TINY HANDS) HAS DISAPPEARED FROM THE PUBLIC EYE. DID SLEEPY JOE MANAGE TO OUTLIVE HIM? IF THAT’S THE CASE THEN DONNY MUST BE ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE. I AM SURE HE STATED IN HIS WILL THAT HE WISHED TO BE BURIED ON ONE OF HIS GOLF PROPERTIES FOR THE CEMETERY TAX BREAK. NOW I, GAVIN CHRISTOPHER NEWSOM, AMERICA’S FAVORITE GOVERNOR, WILL BE COMPLETELY WILLING TO DRAW UP A FUNERAL PROCEEDING MAP. I WILL RUN THE FUNERAL SHOW. MY POLLING IS BEYOND AND I AM A FUTURE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER. AFTER THE SHOW WE CAN MAGA. MAKE AMERICA GAVIN AGAIN.”
- Chuck Schumer
“The stress of all the tariffs must have finally gotten to him. May Donny rest in peace knowing he can no longer endanger the United States economy for personal entertainment. Remember when you told me to go to hell? I hope karma serves you well.”
- Hilary Clinton
“The clear and present danger of the United States, our own president Donald Trump, it seems, has passed. To say I am relieved is insensitive, but I will say it anyway. I told CNN you were becoming more unhinged and more unstable; it seems I was right.”
- JD Vance
“My companion. My rock. My lover. These are just a few of the words I used to describe the indescribable Donald J. Trump. You have been there for me through countless endeavors, when everyone thought I had sex with a couch, when everyone thought I killed the Pope, and even when I called you an ‘an idiot’ and ‘a cynical a**hole.’ (You know I did not mean it, baby). You are the light of my light and this great country’s. Your reign will live on forever and beyond the grave. I love you DJT (my nickname for him). MAGA forever.”
Vance and Trump have a deep personal bond, but say they are “just friends” …
After these and countless others fell for the “fake news” about Trumps death, he resurfaced shortly after Labor Day weekend. He has used this as an opportunity to warn against the fake news being released across the country, instructing Americans to rely only on the MAGA edits released by the official White House Instagram account. Seems Trump is back to his old self.
