SATIRE

By Hannah Wolke, Staff Writer 

It is that time of the year when college students all across the country come together for one or two incredible weekends of partying and incredible decision making. Here are the top five most likely people you’ll need to be aware of when going out this Halloweekend. 

1. The person who plans a million outfit changes. 

This person always has their outfits planned to the max. They are going to make a costume change before you leave Short Vine for Pitts and then before you head to Mount Adams. They are going to be elaborate and always tell you their favorite holiday is Halloween and that these weekends were made for them. Then on Nov. 1 they will enter a coma that will last until next August, where they begin to plan their costumes again. Their planning always entails Canva moodboards and an explanation of why they will be each character. Each character will always have their hair color and that’s the only caveat.  

2. The person that doesn’t like dressing up. 

On the opposing side of the spectrum, you will often find specific people that just like to put on a shirt and a skirt and say they are going as the color pink. These people just want to go out, plain and simple. They might not even care about the vibe.  

3. The person who doesn’t want to remember the weekend. 

These is generally one person out of every group that you all have to keep an eye on throughout the whole weekend. They might get lost. They might be finding random people to make out with. But they won’t remember anything. Nov. 1 will be the starting day of rest and they won’t go to any classes the following week.  

4. The person that just wears a corset and calls it a costume. 

We all know those girls who say they are princess Rapunzel after she cut her hair but she just wears a purple corset and calls it a day because she’s lazy. But when you’re broke, there isn’t anything you can do but just wear a corset as a freshman and say you’re a princess. 

5. Person who goes all out on makeup. 

Finally, there are those people that do horrifying makeup that look too realistic to be real. It looks like makeup you’d see on the set of “American Horror Story.” They always do super niche horror movie makeup too. They are outdoing everyone and are there just for the vibes. They probably can’t even open their mouths. It’s giving Heidi Klum’s worm costume but the college aesthetic. 

Whether or not you see all these people out and about this weekend, be sure that they will be around and making your Halloween one to remember. This is the last Saturday Halloween until 2037 and we won’t be in school anymore, unless you go too crazy this Halloweekend. Good luck to all the soldiers; we’ll be needing it