Features: “[Brainey Brains stem]” and Extras

“[Brainey Brains stem]” / A poem inspired by a doodle.

Brainey Brains stem

from form worming,

storming a way through intellectual

dirt, coming out

like cooked spaghetti.

 Good Books are spineless

(Cowardly Things);

leeches lurking behind Eyes

that catch everything;

Eyes the most successful, accomplished

fisherman that don’t can’t won’t catch

a single fish, only tons and tons

of bricks, bones, and bodies.

Comic & Art




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Aries: The haircut that will boost your career is Justin Timberlake’s ramen noodle curls.

Taurus: A chicken will cross the road in front of you. Soon, good luck will also cross your path.

Gemini: The FBI agent watching you will secretly curve your latest failed test.

Cancer: Your cause of death will be from touching the digusting gum under a desk.

Leo: The person who didn’t hold the door for you will be struck by lightning. Karma is real.

Virgo: Instead of getting a ticket for the Villanova game, you will somehow get a ticket for Village People.

Libra: You will receive an inconspicuous voicemail from Kylie Jenner asking you to be Stormi’s godparent.

Scorpio: Don’t cry over spilled milk, cry because you won’t be able to have chocolate milk for a week!

Sagittarius: The caf workers love you and will secretly give you some French toast sticks tomorrow morning.

Capricorn: You will twist your ankle at the SAC dance during “Twist and Shout.”

Aquarius: Your classes on Thursday will be cancelled because U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A.

Pisces: The next bag of chips you buy will be full of air, no chips in sight.

This post was assembled by Features Editor Monica Schweiger.