Features: “[Brainey Brains stem]” and Extras

“[Brainey Brains stem]” / A poem inspired by a doodle.

Brainey Brains stem

from form worming,

storming a way through intellectual

dirt, coming out

like cooked spaghetti.

 Good Books are spineless

(Cowardly Things);

leeches lurking behind Eyes

that catch everything;

Eyes the most successful, accomplished

fisherman that don’t can’t won’t catch

a single fish, only tons and tons

of bricks, bones, and bodies.


Comic & Art

comic

Olympics

 


Word Search

wordsearch

  • Olympics
  • USA
  • Medal
  • Ice Skating
  • Winter
  • Pyeongchang
  • Ceremony
  • South Korea
  • Torch
  • Gold
  • Silver
  • Bronze
  • Curling
  • Hockey
  • Ski

Horoscopes

Aries: The haircut that will boost your career is Justin Timberlake’s ramen noodle curls.

Taurus: A chicken will cross the road in front of you. Soon, good luck will also cross your path.

Gemini: The FBI agent watching you will secretly curve your latest failed test.

Cancer: Your cause of death will be from touching the digusting gum under a desk.

Leo: The person who didn’t hold the door for you will be struck by lightning. Karma is real.

Virgo: Instead of getting a ticket for the Villanova game, you will somehow get a ticket for Village People.

Libra: You will receive an inconspicuous voicemail from Kylie Jenner asking you to be Stormi’s godparent.

Scorpio: Don’t cry over spilled milk, cry because you won’t be able to have chocolate milk for a week!

Sagittarius: The caf workers love you and will secretly give you some French toast sticks tomorrow morning.

Capricorn: You will twist your ankle at the SAC dance during “Twist and Shout.”

Aquarius: Your classes on Thursday will be cancelled because U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A.

Pisces: The next bag of chips you buy will be full of air, no chips in sight.


This post was assembled by Features Editor Monica Schweiger.

Unknown's avatar

Related Posts

Hot Girl Down: Klay Thompson Aint Sh*t

SATIRE By Audrey Elwood, Columnist  MAYDAY MAYDAY HOT GIRL DOWN! Megan Thee Stallion has been cheated on by old-a**-dusty-washed-up-down-right-nasty Klay Thompson. Yes, the baddest of all time has fallen victim…

How to Plan Your Postgrad So You Never Have to Grow Up

SATIRE By Audrey Elwood, Campus News Editor  It’s that time of year when your parents nagging for you to get a job becomes pestering. It’s the dreaded postgrad, where you…

Discover more from Xavier Newswire

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading