Features

The Back Page 11/13

Fictionary

By Tess Brewer and the Copy Editors

Vevon’t (Vee-vont): When a song is fire, but its music video is lukewarm at best (*cough “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” *cough)

Vevoui (Vee-wee): When a song is mediocre at best, but its music video is a masterpiece (*cough “G-Slide” *cough)

Vamage (Va-mage): Vocal damage. Usually asked from music major to fellow music major: “What’s your Vamage?”

 Piounding (pee-on-ding): The uncontrollable urge to, in sight of a piano, run over and erratically smash the keys. 

 Solowet (So-lo-wet): Once in a lifetime experience of perfectly belting the notes to “Mr. Brightside.” Unfortunately, only occurs while in the shower.

Top five worst songs of the 2000’s by David Ludwig

Top five worst songs of the 2000s

By David Ludwig | Staff Writer

Between the years of 2000 and 2010, we were treated to some true masterpieces in the world of music. However, with the good must also come the bad, so in response to the A&E page, the Back Page proudly presents, for your listening displeasure, the worst hist of the 2000s.

1) “My Humps,” The Black Eyed Peas- After she joined the group for the hit song “Where Is the Love?”, for some unknown reason The Black Eyed Peas decided featuring Fergie on this track would be a good idea. If you are lucky enough not to have heard it, I would not recommend that you “check it out.”

2) “Photograph,” Nickelback- I’m not exactly sure how this song got popular, but at least it was made into some pretty decent memes. Other than that, I think I’ll elect to stay away from this song.

3) “In Da Club,” 50 Cent- Keeping with a theme of rappers with money-related names, our next song features 50 Cent’s monotone style that leaves a little inflection to be desired. Though many consider this to be a classic, I just consider it old.

4) “Sk8er Boi,” Avril Lavigne- The title’s spelling makes me laugh every time. An interesting tune about a girl rubbing her relationship in the face of her boyfriend’s former crush that is ironically featured on an album titled Let It Go. Message of the song aside, as pop punk goes, this doesn’t do it for me.

5) “Jump In My Car,” David Hasselhoff- The Hoff’s music career is one of those things that you occasionally forget exists until it sneaks back up on you. If you do have a desire to listen to this strange cover of a 1974 song, I would recommend looking up the video, which features both KITT, the car from Knight Rider, and the greatest use of greenscreen known to mankind (that was sarcasm).

Horoscopes

Aries: Sometimes in life, you just need to look at your situation and realize something is wrong. Like the Glee cover of “Gold Digger.” Now that’s just incorrect. Don’t let that be your life.

Taurus: Feel all this snow and freezing cold weather happening? Venus says it’s all your fault. Nice going, jerk.

Gemini: Thanksgiving is just around the corner, so celebrate the season with a classic Xavier tradition: leaving all of your work to be done the one week between getting back from break and finals.

Cancer: The moon trusts in your freestyle skills this week. Just avoid any of your mom’s spaghetti.

Leo: Ever notice how cops always seem to be just creeping around campus, sitting in random spots for seemingly no reason? Well there is a reason. They know. They’re coming for you.

Virgo: Shakira’s hips may not lie, but your friends still can. Keep an eye peeled.

Libra: The stars want you to abandon whatever path you’re on and work toward a master’s degree in divinity. It might suck, but imagine being able to call yourself a “master of divinity.” Pretty sick.

Scorpio: I’ll stand for Thirsty Thursdays, and I’ve even had my fair share of Freaky Fridays, but beware Wine Wednesdays. I’ve seen horrors incomprehensible to the eye of man, and that was after just one box.

Sagittarius: You know that song that’s like “tonight’s gonna be a good night?” Your week is going to be exactly like that song! Repetitive and never-ending.

Capricorn: There’s nothing wrong with being nostalgic for the ‘00s! Things were simpler, the music was better, Teddy Roosevelt started building the Panama Canal…. Things were just better!

Aquarius: Invest in a space heater. I mean seriously, it’s 20 degrees this week, and winter hasn’t even technically started yet.

Pisces: Jupiter is too lazy to give you a horoscope this week, so instead, if you ever need to ask yourself, “Should I?”, just look to the wise words of Lil’ Jon: “Yeah!”

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