4/9 Back Page

Waves to catch while you’re surfing the web 

By David Ludwig

The Bored Buttonboredbutton.com – It’s a button that takes you to a bunch of useless websites that will probably entertain you for a couple minutes at least.  Go ahead and give the button a few presses and see where it takes you. It’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

Wikipediawikipedia.com – Go down a Wiki rabbit hole!  If you aren’t familiar because you’ve apparently never been bored, then all you have to do is go to a Wikipedia page for something you want to learn about. Then, whenever you come across one of those links that sends you to another page you click on that and learn some more.  You might be surprised where you find yourself.

Five Clicks to Jesus – A game you can play on Wikipedia.  Go to the Wikipedia home page and then select “Random Page” from the options on the left.  Follow the blue links and try to get to the Wikipedia page for Jesus in five clicks or less. Careful though, pages like “Jesus in Christianity” don’t count!

The Original Space Jam Websitespacejam.com – It’s still up and running!

Stealth Boatsstealthboats.com – A website that provides free, high-quality stealth boat pictures. Only for true boat enthusiasts…

Endless Horse endless.horse – An expression of true beauty.  Visit this website if you wish to be brought to tears by the most magnificent thing you have ever seen in your life. Prepare yourself, for once you gaze upon this creature everything else in life will become disappointing.

Horoscope: The stars determine what meme you are

Because we don’t ostracize old people on this page enough 

Aries: Bad Luck Brian. Don’t worry, it isn’t because of your bad luck. It’s because you are past your prime and now people think, “was he even that good when he was in his prime?”

Taurus: Fancy Winnie The Pooh. A by-the-numbers comparison meme. In other words – ya basic. 

Gemini: Distracted Boyfriend. Don’t let this one get to your head. Yeah, you’re super popular, but it’s only because normies really like you. 

Cancer: Pickle Rick. You’re absolutely hysterical. Funniest person I’ve ever met.  

Leo: Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer. The sun chose this one specially for you because people underestimate your intelligence. 

Virgo: Cash me ousside, howbow dah. You were cooked up in a lab by marketing execs to get higher ratings for Dr. Phil.

Libra: Star Wars Prequel Memes. Your parents were terrible people, but you’ve found a way to use all the best parts of them. I’m proud of you. 

Scorpio: Pepe the Frog. You’re actually the most wholesome person anyone will ever meet but everyone hates you because they think you’re a Trump supporter. 

Sagittarius: The Mandela Effect. You might as well give up on your dreams now because not a lot of people actually believe in you. 

Capricorn:  My Longest Yeah Boy Ever. Your feats of physical endurance are actually quite impressive, not something to be scoffed at. 

Aquarius: Friendship Ended With Mudasir. People take you for granted; they think you’re a joke. They aren’t aware of the long history, and the goat murder, that led you to where you are today.

Pisces: Father Graham Rescinding his Resignation. This isn’t a meme yet, but if through your actions you make it real then it will represent you being victorious and a near perfect specimen. 

Fun and Free Online Games to Try

Now that the Newswire has entered cyberspace, crossword puzzles are obsolete. Instead, each week I’ll highlight two cool browser games for you to check out, both new and classic. 

“Porklike”https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/750272 – This game is simple but addicting. You guide a pig through a perilous dungeon, killing monsters and collecting loot. The dungeon is randomly generated every game, so each playthrough feels fresh as you try to outlast your previous attempts. 

“Mutiny”http://www.nitrome.com/games/mutiny – Nitrome is the king of flash games. You’ll recognize them by their legendary jingle that plays at the start of all their games. They’re famous for their cute pixel art style but also by their incredibly unique games, case in point: “Mutiny”, a game about throwing pirates. This one’s hard to explain; just give it a try and trust me, you’ll love it.