Features

Prepare for Gec-vasion, sources say

WRITTEN BY: Griffin Brammer, Staff Writer

They’ve taken the indie pop punk genre by storm, and now they’re taking the entire Western continental U.S with just as much force. That’s right, folks, everyone’s favorite experimental music duo has announced that they will be taking advantage of a politically-crippled United States to launch their newest colonizing venture to create the ‘100 Gecs of America.’

Map of affected states

The duo have already made preparations for the creation of their new nation, with a capital proudly seated in Des Plaines, Ill., the site of the fabled ‘Gec Tree’ that many a Geccer has made a pilgrimage to. As for other national symbols, lead vocalist and second Gec, Laura Les, announced at a United Nations press conference that the nation’s flag would be an altered version of the Norfolk Island flag.

Supposed Gec flag

As for political promises, Dylan and Laura have some ideas that are as bold as whatever the hell was happening in I Need Help Immediately. Starting off with a complete ban of the Kentucky Derby and any other equestrian gambling activities.

In a press interview with CNN, Dylan Brady stated “the last time I bet money on a horse, I ended up stealing it and the stupid bastard kept falling out of my Porsche… that’s actually the inspiration behind our national anthem, Stupid Horse.” 

However, the biggest change comes with the world of socio-economics, as our Gec overlords promise to completely ban capitalism and replace it with whatever in tarnation Money Machine is about. In turn, the social hierarchy will no longer be determined by whatever mass of wealth you have managed to hoard, but rather, how much Laura thinks your arms look like little cigarettes. 

“Watch out, Bezos,” Dylan stated, “Laura thinks you look like the world’s most depressing pack of Marlboro’s.”

And while the duo’s ideas are radical, the general consensus is not one of anger or revolt… but pure confusion. Arlene McGillicutty, 54, from Pittsburgh questioned “Who are these two Swedish women,” while Douglas Henderson, 78, from Eutica, N.Y. simply offered, “My ears hurt.”

But responses haven’t been all bad. We wrote to our very own Aidan Callahan, currently being kept as a political prisoner, and after weeks and weeks of waiting, we got back his eager response:

Hello, dear friends,

Everyone knows what a big fan I am of the Gecs!

Love those two.

Please continue to listen to their music!

Much love to the duo,

Everything is good and great under their authority!”

Love, Aidan”

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