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By Charlie Thompson, Guest Writer
As part of Marvels’ new film making strategy of bringing everyone back to see what works, they have decided to resurrect comic legend Stan Lee from the dead.
Harry Styles lives his days as the elf from Eternals. He scavenges the forest floor for berries and sings his merry little songs to the trees.
Marvel execs say Lee will be trotting out once again to make a cameo in the highly anticipated upcoming film “Avengers: Doomsday” starring Robert Downey Jr. as Doctor Doom, Chris Hemsworth as Thor and Harry Styles as that elf guy at the end of “Eternals.”
Newswire journalists were invited to witness the experiment in a top-secret bunker under Walt Disneyland in California. As a bolt of lightning was cast into Lee’s brain, his arm began to slowly move upward toward the ceiling while Marvel Studios CEO Kevin Feige danced around the room screaming, “It’s alive! It’s alive! It’s alive!” The staff and witnesses of the experiment then performed the Wakanda forever arm salute as Lee picked himself up off the table and put two feet on the ground.
Newswire correspondents were able to secure a brief interview with Lee where he said, “BRAAAAAAINS. BRAAAAAAINS. GRAAAAAA” before biting a staff members upper arm and turning her into a flesh craving beast.
As the outbreak continued, Feige, Newswire staff and a shackled zombie Lee were able to escape to another portion of the underground chamber where Newswire staff were led by stormtroopers to a Death Star-esque room and forced to sign NDAs by a cloaked figure with a high-pitched voice and two circular ears.
After Lee’s cameo was revealed at the D23 expo, some fans were not very happy.
“Why are we bringing back all these old characters for Doomsday when we have so many fun and original characters that have barely gotten any screentime in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Like what’s next, Ben Affleck’s Daredevil is going to be in it?” one disgruntled fan said.
Unfortunately to everyone’s horror, Affleck’s Daredevil was announced next to be featured in Doomsday, which caused a massive uproar in the building.
As riots broke out across the Anaheim Convention Center, a Newswire correspondent secured an interview with an anonymous Marvel insider on the implications of bringing actors back from the dead to continue to work in Hollywood.
“I think it’s wonderful,” the insider said. “They can continue to do the things that they loved to do and we can continue to make truckloads of money off them. This opens up a whole world of possibilities for undead actors in cinema. We already have plans in motion for a ‘Casablanca 2: Electric Boogaloo’ staring undead Humphrey Bogart, undead Ingrid Bergman and current day James Corden. I’m extremely excited for the direction cinema is headed.”
Kevin Feige has been converted into a zombie after Stan Lee took a big bite out of his butt.
Though the incoming zombie apocalypse dominated the news that day, the story that Lee is back caused a stir among many elder justice organizations who demanded that Lee release a verbal statement that he consents to being a part of the film.
Lee responded in a video with a series of growls and moans which Feige translated to, “I am overjoyed to be a part of such a wonderful operation and to learn from the wisdom of Kevin Feige.” One such lawyer was not satisfied with Feige’s translation and asked to speak to Lee in person, but was unfortunately snapped out of existence by Feige’s Infinity Gauntlet.
Newswire was finally able to sit down and talk face to face with the Marvel CEO, Kevin Feige.
When asked about what Lee’s role in the film will be Feige said, “I’m not entirely sure. He seems to only want to say one thing at the moment which is “brains”, so I guess we’ll have to write around that or something. I don’t really care.”
When further questioned if Feige believes that Marvel fans want to see former characters like Stan Lee and the X-Men back on the big screen instead of new heroes.
“Look these nerds will eat up whatever we give them. Prepare to see just about everyone come back. Alive or dead. Say you don’t like it. Say you’re boycotting Marvel. We know you’ll be in that chair come December. It’s Doomsday baby,” Feige said.
“Avengers: Doomsday” comes out in December and expect to see a LOT of familiar faces including one person who has been brought back from the dead. As the zombie hoards slowly overwhelm our nation’s cities, we can only hope that Doomsday will save us.
