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By Maci Taylor, Back Page Editor
The NFL Preseason has officially come to a close Saturday night.
All your favorite rookies and benchwarmers worked hard to build up their resumes in three low stake games, but now, teams are in the midst of breaking these 300-pound men’s hearts by cutting them and kicking them to the curb.
However, this trimming of fat is essential for the start of the NFL season. And you know what that means… it is fantasy football time.
There are plenty of strategies and methods to craft the perfect roster to avoid joining the army, retaking the ACT, shaving your head or any other horrible fantasy football punishments. I’m here to add some advice to prevent those punishments and lead you to victory.
Let us see yes/no’s of who you should draft!
AFC East:
Drake Maye is a solid option for the QB1 position, but watch out for his wife, Ann, because she follows him wherever he goes. You’ll get both Ann and Drake in your quarterback slot.
Josh Allen is an obvious pick for QB1 since he’s even more dependable than Charmin Ultra Strong.
The only player to possibly add from the Dolphins (if no other options are left…) is running back De’Von Achane.
For the Jets, if you want two + interceptions in a game, go with old washed up-Geno Smith
AFC North:
Running back and quarterback Lamar Jackson’s stock has dropped significantly, but I would not completely cross him off the list. Baltimore also has Derrick Henry and Zay Flowers.
The Cleveland Browns continue to answer the question about “how low can you go.” The answer is always lower.
Be weary of drafting ole Joey B. When he is healthy, he can be unstoppable, but in recent years that has not been true. But, the Bengals have some other weapons like Chase Brown, Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins.
As a Browns fan just… don’t.
Avoid anti-vaxxer Aaron Rodgers at all costs, but kicker Chris Boswell is a sleeper hit.
AFC South:
Houston is a forced turnover friendly defensive team, which is an excellent pick for the defensive slot. But, avoid C.J. – Ohio – State – Snub – Stroud since he has been on the struggle bus recently.
In Indianapolis, if you are willing to roll the dice, pick Roblex-esque Daniel Jones.
Goldilocks or better known as Trevor Lawrence, would be a reliable QB1.
AFC West:
In Denver, Bo Nix is an efficient quarterback, but not a first choice. But, can we talk about the real issue here? His name is 5 letters long.
Avoid injury prone, Kermit-sounding Patrick Mahomes as well as just-married Travis Kelce.
For Las Vegas, steer clear of Tom Brady new boy toy, Fernando Mendoza.
Justin Herbert is a strong QB1 as well as his newly signed brother too! Look at them keep it in the family!
NFC East:
For the Cowboys, look at Dak Prescott as a stable quarterback if he stays healthy. Pretty sure Jerry Jones has injected titanium in Dak’s hamstring in 2024.
We should all be scared of the Giants and get as far away as possible.
Jaden Daniels’ number 5 jersey at LSU will never see the top row of Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge after his hissy fit earlier last month.
A.J. Brown’s number one opp Jalen Hurts should not be an immediate quarterback pick, but if he is available… sure!
Do not go for Stefon Diggs if you are not ready to get pregnant or Jayden Daniels if you want your jersey retired.
NFC North:
Caleb Williams is a strong pick who could have an MVP caliber year with help from his multi-colored nails that rile the right up.
Leave Ryan Gosling, I mean, Jared Goff behind, but go for his targets: Jahmyr Gibbs and Amon-Ra St.Brown.
Jordan Love is very mid and so is Josh Jacobs. I mean obviously after his active cases…
NFC South:
I know I do not have to say it, but I will. Only draft Tua if you are planning on enduring one of those punishments. But, go for Bijan Robinson if you do want to keep your hair intact.
The Saints have not been good since Drew Brees, but Chris Olave is carrying them through the NFL seasonal hurricanes.
Uh oh, Baker’s going to be mad when I say it, but he shouldn’t be your franchise QB1. But, Emeka Egbuka should have a breakout season.
NFC West:
Well, after Aaron Donald came out of retirement, drafting the Rams defense would make your draft elite. The Rams are stacked on offense as well with Matthew Stafford, Kryen Williams and Puka Nacua (if he can stay out of rehab…).
Brock Purdy is looking to have an excellent season, but I would hesitate to draft him as QB1 since he still looks approximately 17 years old. Are we sure he is legal?
Even though they won last year, Sam Darnold will not have the same season. I predict he’ll have PTSD back to his Jets days when playing the Rams.
