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Xavier bans offensive terms

By: Tatum Hunter ~Moldy Pancake~

The Xavier administration is ramping up its efforts to eliminate offensive language on campus and find more respectful alternatives.

This project began a few years ago with the university’s official condemnation of one of the most offensive terms in contemporary parlance: freshman.

“Calling someone a ‘freshman’ is extremely discriminatory,” said Sarah Rogers, director of Xavier’s Committee for the Ignoring of Actual Problems (CIAP). “This term implies that a student was a high school senior last year and will be a college sophomore next year. How would you like it if someone said that about you?”

The CIAP encouraged all students to use the term “first-year” instead.

“‘First-year’ is better because it avoids the harmful stereotype that a student just arriving on campus is new to campus,” Rogers said.

Because of its success getting the Xavier community to adopt “first-year” in place of “freshman,” the CIAP has decided to roll out an extended list of words that we should probably say if we don’t want to look like a dick.

“First-year students are a marginalized group. In fact, they are probably the most marginalized group on this campus,” Rogers said. “If we can make their lives better by reimagining the words we use, then we can do the same for other marginalized groups on campus, like professors, top administrators, and straight white men.”

The new and improved list includes many changes: Seniors will now be referred to as “last-years,” tenured professors as “too-many- years” and Chris Mack as “maybe-two-more-years.”

Other changes include the rebranding of the “Crosstown Shootout” as the “Two Schools Hugging,” the annual Pig Roast party as the “Community-Friendly Fun Bonanza” and Fr. Graham as “Our Really Friendly President Yes He Is Don’t Argue.”

The Newswire asked Rogers if any of the new terminology will address hurtful language directed at students of color, queer students and women on campus.

“Um, your use of the term ‘campus’ is very troubling to me,” she replied. “That word is exclusionary because it implies that there are places outside of campus. We don’t want anyone to feel like an outsider.”

Below is the complete list of vocabulary changes endorsed by the CIAP. For more information, visit http://www.xavier.edu/ headsupourasses.

• Pep band kids → Equally important contributors to the basketball program

• Manresa → Nightmare Cult Week

• Brockman stoop kids → The Night’s Watch

• Brockman pit boys → Peaceful basement dwellers

• O’Connor weight room → SausageFest 2016

• Greenspace Frisbee throwers → Haphazard disc lobbers

• Buenger → GetToKnowHer

• Devout Catholic students → self-righteous nerds

• Newswire employees → mean self-righteous nerds

• CLC 2nd floor → CLC 4th floor

• That creepy statue outside Fenwick → That heartwarming memorial outside Fenwick

• Caf sushi → Edible food

• R3 lot → Safe nighttime walking place

• University station → Bustling center of industry

• GOA → Insult to intelligence (ITI)

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