By: Grant Vance ~Punk Bitch~
Xavier Police officer Rodney McClane was held to high esteem last Thursday for a prestigious medal of honor. After ten years on the force he was finally recognized for his work distributing upwards of 180 parking tickets per week to students, keeping campus parking lots safe.
“It’s all about defending the honor of parking services for me,” McClane said next to his squad car, parked horizontally facing Currito. “I’m no hero, but I certainly sleep better knowing vacant parking spots are left that way.”
McClane works night and day to ensure no parking spot is left unprotected. His peers admire him for his service and work to live up to his example.
“Rodney’s a helluva ticket distributor,” Officer Joe Loeb said next to his squad car, parked diagonally on a near-by sidewalk. “Once saw the guy ticket a student parked in an empty lot for less than five minutes. Worked the kid for a $90 citation. When he gets going he’s a god damn soldier.”
Prior to this award McLane was best known for his 2010 initiative to ban all student parking on campus.
“I don’t see why students even need to park,” McClane said. “What if a firetruck needs to get through a parking lot? Or an alumni is visiting? In that case they deserve at least three spots. Students just don’t get it.”
Regulating parking for the sake of the law isn’t the end of McClane’s war on student parking. He is also very outspoken in his fight for parking spot sustainability.
“He’s always deeply cared for the well-being of that precious black space between those elegant, incomplete yellow rectangles,” Sgt. Gamble said next to his squad car, parked just inside the door of Smith Hall.
“These spots, they mean a lot to the university. They have to stay in good shape for home basketball game parking. McClane gets that. His activism and care has gone a long way,” Gamble said.
In his free time, McClane often reapplies paint to the lots and nurtures the gravel with mineralenhancing spray.
“I love parking lots almost as much as upholding important regulations,” McClane said, closely watching a nearly expired parking meter with a citation in hand. “Eventually this entire campus will be a parking lot for me to care and tend to.”
McClane has big plans for Xavier parking moving forward from receiving his award.
“This is just the first step. My hope is that eventually students will become parking spots. Everything will relate to parking.”
McClane solemnly steps to the massive arched window in his study, peering out to a parking lot in the distance. “Everything.”
Categories: Campus News