Features: “Staff’s New Years Resolutions” & Horoscopes

Comic courtesy of Adam Ellis

Staff’s New Years Resolutions

John Stowell, Advisor

“I resolve to become more culturally aware so that I actually understand what’s in the A&E section. I’ve started already – I now know that Cardi B is not a heart medication.”

Heather Gast, Campus News Editor

“My aim for this week and 2019 in general is to finally stop myself from sipping beverages or soups I already know are too hot. I think my life would be better if I tried to figure out what dogs are telling me, so that’s a close second.”

Ellen Siefke, Editor-in-Chief

“My New Year’s Resolution is to complete a yoga routine every day. My mom and I are actually doing this resolution together, and it was pretty cool to do yoga with her during the break. While I’m here at school, I’ll obviously be doing it alone, but we might try some Skype yoga sessions together — whether or not that will be successful remains to be seen. At any rate, it’s a great way to end the day on a positive and relaxing note, and I look forward to keeping up with it.”

Jack Dunn, World News Editor

“My number one resolution is to break my crippling Mountain Dew addiction, and then maybe eat healthier I guess.”

Ryan Kambich, Op-Ed Editor

“My resolution is to be more honest in the coming year. I aim to speak, to write and of course to edit with clarity and integrity. I will also be lobbying AP to introduce the Oxford comma as proper print style.”

Kevin Thomas, Managing Editor

“Ah, yes. The classic New Year’s Resolution. I’ve tried many times to create one, and continually failed. However, I have succeeded thus far: I began carrying a gallon of water with me everywhere I go.”

Disclaimer: Kevin has since lost his water jug.                                                        

Hannah Schulz, Head Copy Editor

“I’m not one for New Years Resolutions because I never think about them before the start of the new year. This year I’ve sort of made one. A friend and I have been slowly working on a movie, and my goal is to finish all of the pre-production by the end of the year so we can begin filming. It’s a big project but I’m excited.”

Alex Ackerman, Copy Editor

“This year, my number one New Year’s Resolution is to take better care of myself not only physically but also mentally. This is my most important resolution because I have realized the importance of being kind to myself and allowing myself to make mistakes, which can be difficult for all of us at times. Therefore, I am resolving to challenge myself to exercise more and eat more healthy, which I know is typical, in addition to putting the good and the bad into perspective as I encounter both success and failure in the new year.”

Soondos Mulla-Ossman, Features Page Editor

“I practiced some pretty copout methods of “self-care” last year, and want to change that this year. Eating healthier, giving myself more time to breathe for quiet mindfulness. Working out more, setting aside time for skincare, throwing on some actual makeup once in a while. Going to museums, the zoo, the aquarium. Just living a little for myself more than I did last year, essentially.”

Hannah Paige Michels, Copy Editor

“Watching new movies instead of re-watching shows on Netflix and Hulu. I’m a film major and I love experiencing new things whether it be a new coffee shop, a new city, or a new story. I’m hoping to expand my film repertoire but also dive into new stories that will hopefully inspire me as a creator myself.”

Sofia Ordonez, Arts and Entertainment Editor

“My my my…I already feel attacked! I think my resolution is one hour of writing or “Sofia’s self-cultivation reading” per day. Also, more running and ballet dancing.”

Trever McKenzie, Online Editor

“My resolution is to not have a resolution. It’s going well.”


Aries: Establish good money habits. There’s only two college moods: being broker than a chalkboard with no chalk, and being richer than someone who uses designer lunchboxes.

Taurus: Returning to campus means reconnecting with friends on campus. You all get to complain about the overpriced food options again!

Gemini: This is the time to work out any loose ends before things get chaotic. Convince your ALL card to not skydive out of your wallet into the shadow plane this semester for once.

Cancer: Careful not to forget how cold the snow is. It’s pretty, but not as pretty as your frostbite will be when you decide to run out there in pajamas.

Leo: Being the guy from that one Vine who tells people to “get on top of the fridge” when you think they’ve done something wrong will lead them to calling the house a nightmare.

Virgo: Sleep well, make it to class early, sit towards the front of the classroom, take good notes, and you’ve set yourself up to do awesome this semester. But let’s be real, who does all this?

Libra: Be wary of getting overwhelmed on your first week back. You may get stressed and then ignore this stress by binging something on Netflix that isn’t even that good.

Scorpio: Your personal health is more important than your grades. Besides, you don’t even need a degree to be a clothing hanger, according to that one Vine.

Sagittarius: There’s a meme circulating, and unfortunately this week you embody it: it be like that sometimes.

Capricorn: When one door closes, another opens. Keep that in mind when you’re settling back into the academic routine. Or, y’know, trying to close a door and stubbing your toe on the edge.

Aquarius: The desperation to connect with others might already be getting to you — be careful not to look too much like the freestyle dance teacher from her respective Vine.

Pisces: It’s sad — when you were a kid, you could tell everyone to believe in themselves and they’d be inspired. Now, all you get is the suspicion that you’re a little too obsessed with Disney.

This post was assembled by Features EditorSoondos Mulla-Ossman.