D’Artagnan’s Riddle Corner By Tess Brewer and Owen Miguel

1. What is hard to understand, annoying to be a part of and funny to watch?
2. Father, no kin; pie, all crust; common no more. Who am I?
3. Here today, gone tomorrow. What am I?
4. What’s the password?
5. No clothes, fun with friends and very wet. Where are you?
6. Who has great music taste, is a great listener, very funny, very attractive and is available?
7. You’ll never find a greater hive of scum and villainy. Where am I?

Answer Key 

a. SGA, b. Father Graham, c. The dining options at Xavier University, d. Now open your Xavier two-factor authentication app, e. Brockman communal bathrooms, f. Owen Miguel (sc: owenmiggs), g. The Xavier E-Sports Lounge.

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Build your own horoscope! First, pick a term from the word bank. Whichever one catches your eye first will do. Then, simply insert it into your star sign’s horoscope and bada bing, bada boom, you’ve built your own horoscope. 

Word Bank:

Wallace and Gromit

Ooze

Yerba Maté

Student Government Association (SGA)

Steve Buscemi

Unreleased “Weird Al” Yankovic demo tapes

Perpetual virginity 

Beeg Yoshi

A rat that lives in your hair and controls your every move

Tiny Tim (from A Christmas Carol, not the dude)

American imperialism in the Pacific in the early 20th century

Calcified bird poop

Aries: There’s not enough ________ in your life; this is the reason for your recent downward spiral. 

Taurus: I know you think you’re a cool dude, but whenever you talk in class everyone thinks you sound just like __________.

Gemini: You’re about to enter your _____ phase. This is the second most important stage in one’s young life behind their emo phase. 

Cancer: You lack a spine. You walk around all day acting like a tall glass of _______.

Leo: Don’t see American Idiot this weekend; instead, watch 10-hour ______ compilations on YouTube.

Virgo: You’re always saying, “My life is like a movie,” but be realistic: Have you ever seen a movie about some dude who’s obsessed with ______?

Libra: ________ lives rent-free in your mind. Maybe start chargin’ ‘em.

Scorpio: The next SGA election is ramping up to be hotly contested, but for you, the choice is clear. Vote for ______.

Sagittarius: “A ______ in the hand is worth two in the bush.” — Socrates, probably. 

Capricorn: Keep your friends close, but keep ______ closer.

Aquarius: Your _____ chakra is all out of whack. Buying some crystals should fix this. 

Pisces: In the end, all will be reduced to ash. Someday, the last human will die, and nothing of our civilization will remain — nothing, that is, except for ________.