DISCLAIMER: This piece is satire, written for our April Fool’s Edition, and it is not based on true events. I think that we are all equal under the eyes of God and the Constitution. I am not racist, and I … Continue reading On the evil liberal commies
The BACK Page I think the Back Page missed out on a perfect opportunity when they rejected my theme: the BACK Page. You know, as in spines and vertebrae and stuff. I was heartbroken when my jokes were deemed inappropriate for the Back Page. Like, seriously, what is more appropriate for the Back Page than backs? Personally, I thought that jokes about “back-ne” and anatomical structures would bring more readers to the Newswire — you know, more grimy college students and STEM majors. I am doing just spine, though, since I got to write for this edition. I guess the … Continue reading REJECTED: Back Page Ideas
By: Jenna Zee, staff writer DISCLAIMER: This piece is satire, written for our April Fool’s Edition, and it is not based on true events. In a new study published by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), researchers found five shocking items that could reportedly “kill Prince Philip on the spot.” Prince Philip, former member of the Nazi party has reached an age where many begin to question his life expectancy. As society has taken note of how he has become increasingly purple over time, the CDC felt it would be imperative to note exactly what might take him out. A … Continue reading Prince Philip meets his match with pop culture
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